he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
