My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
