i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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