Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
