What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
