i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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