go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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