i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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