Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
