His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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