We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
