I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
