how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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