yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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