i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
