I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
