Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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