"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
