A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
