I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
