Ambien. No doubt about it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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