from now on my penis is your penis
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How does one acquire holy water?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
