this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
