There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
