You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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