Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
