Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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