oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
