I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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