just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
