She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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