i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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