OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
