So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
