I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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