then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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