I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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