Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's the barista slut.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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