he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sext me about skeletons
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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