Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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