I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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