She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
