I feel great
I just peed on a car
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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