Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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