id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
