Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
