I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
