her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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