Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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