You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
