honey bunches of taint.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
