Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
