bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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