So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
