he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
